Recently, we have been presented with some data from the Central Bureau of Statistics regarding the decline in the number of young people getting married in Indonesia. This data is accompanied by various newspaper reports that depict the concerns of young people about getting married or having children. As a result, over the past ten years, there has also been a decline in the number of women giving birth, from 70.6% in 2012 to 66.4% in 2022 (down 4.2%).

Responding to this phenomenon, on Saturday, November 9, 2024, the scholastics at St. Ignatius College invited young people to discuss together in the Dialogue for Action (DIKSI) event entitled ” Family, Is It Still the Most Valuable Treasure? ” Fr. TB Pramudita, SJ, as the moderator of the discussion, opened with instigating data: many participants are of the view that having a family is scary because they have to face various challenges in family life (economic challenges, infidelity, divorce, and domestic violence).

This dialogue presented several speakers to understand this phenomenon more deeply: Father Yoseph Aris, MSF, Mr. Paulus Eko Ananto (Bantul Population and Civil Registry Office), and husband and wife Mr. Albert and Mrs. Erna Prajartoro. From the speakers, the participants learned that, on the one hand, the challenges of family life are real. On the other hand, joy is present not because of superficial pleasure but when the challenges are faced with responsibility, loyalty, and shared commitment as a path to holiness.

Civil Divorce: Church Concerns

Mr. Eko started the discussion by presenting Disdukcapil’s analysis of divorce data in Bantul. From 2017 to 2024, 417 divorce cases have been recorded in Bantul. The most common factors causing divorce are economic (30%), disputes (17%), infidelity (14%), domestic violence (13%), and religion (8%).

Mr. Eko, as an employee of Disdukcapil, also felt concerned because of the total divorce cases in Bantul; 190 (45%) of them were carried out by couples whose marriages were carried out in the Catholic religion. “As a Catholic, at first I felt ‘sinful’ when issuing a civil divorce certificate because there is no divorce in the Catholic Church,” he said.

Continuing the concern about civil divorce, Father Aris emphasized no divorce in the Catholic Church. Divorce that occurs civilly is indeed a concern for the Church. However, those who are forced to have a civil divorce, “as long as they do not remarry or do not live in a concubine, may receive communion,” said Father Aris. In the Catholic Church, there is no divorce, and what is known is the annulment of marriage. However, the annulment of marriage in the Catholic Church is not a double standard because there is something that is not valid in Church law and is made to save souls.

Call to Holiness

Instead of being trapped in the fear of divorce, Father Aris invites young people to understand marriage as a calling to holiness better so as not to see it as scary. Father Aris emphasized, “Marriage is a calling from God that requires a response from husband and wife freely, consciously, and responsibly.” As a calling from God, marriage aims for the good of husband and wife, openness to offspring, and children’s education. In preparing for marriage, young people must get to know the depth of their partner, build a shared commitment, and be honest in their relationships. Commitment and honesty in relationships must be built up to the point of agreement about offspring. Don’t be childfree or delay for too long just because of pragmatic reasons or blaming the economic situation.

Currently, the Archdiocese of Semarang is increasingly serious about assisting prospective married couples with the Catechesis for Family Life Preparation (KPHB) program, Discovery (a program to get to know your partner better), the Marriage Encounter community, Couple for Christ, and post-marriage assistance with family events/recollections and wedding anniversaries. These various programs are created to prepare further and accompany the journey of married couples. “Indeed, there is no special school to become a husband/father and wife/mother. However, the most important thing about school is life experience, which is to get to know each other and commit,” said Father Aris.

Core Values and Life History

Mr. Albert and Mrs. Erna then shared their dynamic family life experiences. They started a new family with economic struggles from zero to slowly gaining prosperity for the family. Because of work, Mr. Albert had to work in Merauke and had a long-distance marriage for 20 years. During this time, many challenges in the work environment tested loyalty. “Loyalty is bitter when lived, but the fruit is sweet,” said Mr. Albert. Because of their commitment, Mr. Albert and Mrs. Erna tried to meet regularly even though the plane ticket price was not cheap. Another challenge arose when educating children. This family was blessed with three children. Their youngest child has special needs and, in the early stages of growth, had to undergo 10 operations. Challenges also arose when Mr. Albert’s career was brought down by parties who did not like him because he worked cleanly and was not corrupt. After going through various difficult situations, Mr. Albert and Mrs. Erna were grateful because there were always good people who provided solutions and were there for them. They were able to face difficult situations because of their loyalty to the values agreed upon together ( core values ).

Mrs. Erna said, “Couples must unite the values that will be achieved together to be prayed for and printed-installed as a reminder of the agreement.” Agreement occurs when couples accept and understand each other’s life history. Thus, neither party should give in or be forced to do so because core values are a mutual agreement. Some examples of core values are honesty, simplicity, responsibility, and hard work. Thanks to core values, Mr. Albert and Mrs. Erna can live their family lives with complete loyalty in various situations. Family life is indeed not free from challenges but full of many joyful experiences. The experience of joy is not only superficial pleasure but precisely when, as a couple, we remain faithful and strive for core values together amid various life challenges. So young people, do not be afraid to get married because there are many joys and signs of God’s presence in family life.

Contributor: Sch. Isaac Jacues Cavin, SJ